Marriage

One of my friend recently shared a video in Facebook. The video goes like this.

'A girl and guy are arranged for a formal meeting by their parents. They meet. Girl 'fixes' 20 questions max to get to know each other. Guy accepts. At the end of the Q & A session girl realizes that there is nothing in common so it wouldn't be right for them to marry. Guy realizes!! that she is the better half of him and would like to know more about her interests and make her happy in life. Video ends showing they are married and live happily ever after. There is a statistics displayed at the end of the video saying "over 90% of the marriages in India are arranged and only 5% end in divorce"

Now, i would have loved the video (expect for the girl's acting???) for the direction, the flow in which the Q & A session went if not for the statistics towards the end. When i gave a comment that "success of marriage is not measured by the percentage of divorce" my friend shot back asking "all u could c of the 11 minute video is the statistics that is displayed for less a second?". I would like to recall a quote told by cine poet writer Thamari in a discussion "There should be more divorce". What she was intending to say, which she failed to clarify in the discussion, was that people in marriage who do not find each other happy should come out of the fear for society, fear for family pressure and stand up for themselves. I am glad Thamarai made such a statement in a society where people live for the society more than for themselves. They lose their identity or should i say they wear false identities to have a life that the society would accept of.

The intention of the video was clear, advocating arranged marriage saying only 5% of them end. I am not advocating against arranged marriage here just because i had a love marriage. And i do not say everyone should go for love marriage, i only intend to say that marriages succeed/break not because it is arranged or loved but because of the individuals involved. That was indeed clear in the video when the guy asks the girl what would make her happy. It is nothing to do with the way marriage happens

A marriage 'succeeds' when both of them are happy. A marriage may also 'succeed' when either decides to forgo their wishes for the other, of course with full heart, out of true love. A marriage 'exists' when one of them suppresses their feelings, leads a mechanical life, smiling outside, crying inside. And lastly a marriage breaks when either one or both wanted to stand up for themselves.

It is the 'exists' part that the society should worry about more than the 'break'.