Marriage

One of my friend recently shared a video in Facebook. The video goes like this.

'A girl and guy are arranged for a formal meeting by their parents. They meet. Girl 'fixes' 20 questions max to get to know each other. Guy accepts. At the end of the Q & A session girl realizes that there is nothing in common so it wouldn't be right for them to marry. Guy realizes!! that she is the better half of him and would like to know more about her interests and make her happy in life. Video ends showing they are married and live happily ever after. There is a statistics displayed at the end of the video saying "over 90% of the marriages in India are arranged and only 5% end in divorce"

Now, i would have loved the video (expect for the girl's acting???) for the direction, the flow in which the Q & A session went if not for the statistics towards the end. When i gave a comment that "success of marriage is not measured by the percentage of divorce" my friend shot back asking "all u could c of the 11 minute video is the statistics that is displayed for less a second?". I would like to recall a quote told by cine poet writer Thamari in a discussion "There should be more divorce". What she was intending to say, which she failed to clarify in the discussion, was that people in marriage who do not find each other happy should come out of the fear for society, fear for family pressure and stand up for themselves. I am glad Thamarai made such a statement in a society where people live for the society more than for themselves. They lose their identity or should i say they wear false identities to have a life that the society would accept of.

The intention of the video was clear, advocating arranged marriage saying only 5% of them end. I am not advocating against arranged marriage here just because i had a love marriage. And i do not say everyone should go for love marriage, i only intend to say that marriages succeed/break not because it is arranged or loved but because of the individuals involved. That was indeed clear in the video when the guy asks the girl what would make her happy. It is nothing to do with the way marriage happens

A marriage 'succeeds' when both of them are happy. A marriage may also 'succeed' when either decides to forgo their wishes for the other, of course with full heart, out of true love. A marriage 'exists' when one of them suppresses their feelings, leads a mechanical life, smiling outside, crying inside. And lastly a marriage breaks when either one or both wanted to stand up for themselves.

It is the 'exists' part that the society should worry about more than the 'break'.

After Marriage!

Surekha was so excited. "It had been a year since I visited my mom's place", she was telling her friends. Surekha got married and settled in Chennai. Her hometown was Bangalore and she will be leaving with her princess Harini for this long weekend.

Wednesday! Surekha reached Bangalore! Home, Sweethome after a year, she felt good staying in her bedroom! She did not plan anywhere outside since she wanted to spend whole week with her parents. Also its time for them to play with Harini too. Harini too liked staying there and she was playing with her grandpa.

Friday Evening! Surekha was busy in the kitchen, her mom came near her. Surekha was able to read her eyes, "I too missed you a lot mom, I had to fight like you and visit my mom's place too." She said alouod, so her dad can hear it.! He just smiled and started for a small walk.! Surekha continues, "I now understand how it would have been for you. I never believed those stories you tell about dad. I always term them as Stories mom. I can now feel it after marriage. I woe an apology for that mom". Her mom replied, " I never wanted my daughter to face those tough time which i had, yet it is circling me and reminding my past. Things will change soon Surekha Hoping that it changes sooner than later."

Just then Sathish Called " Hello, Yes.. See it has been a year and why dont you allow me to spend time peacefully... No, .. I did not mean you curbed my peace.. Hello Hello..". The line was disconnected. Her father overheard, "Mappilaku ennavam ma?".. She was disturbed for the next 3 days with phonce calls and fights. She had to start a day before she actually planned to start.

In the railway station, her dad was trying to hold the tears, Surekha was able to read his mind. He was very bols, he never cried during his mother's death too. "Thatha, Thatha", Harin was calling him continuously. Surekha held her tight in her arms. The train started moving slowly. Surekha went inside and sat in her seat. She closed her eyes and wondered, "It took 24 years for him to unerstand mom. Guess he now feels how this would have hurt his mom two decades back. Now, its time for her to wait", she gentlely patted Harini and saw her, she was already asleep. She knew that the Journey will continue....